Manners trumps Etiquette

Etiquette : The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group. 

Source:http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/etiquette

Etiquette is a tool to demonstrate that you have self respect as well as respect for others. But, some people wield that knowledge as a sword to make themselves feel like they're 'better than' those who are not exposed to etiquette training. 

Manners: A person’s outward bearing or way of behaving toward others.

Source: http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/manner?q=manners

Good manners is a result of kindness, respect and consideration for each person we meet. It doesn't require quoting Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt, or writing into Dear Abby. The one and only rule to know is, 'do to others as you would want them to do to you' 

Spouting the rules of etiquette at the expense of someone else's feelings magnifies your own insecurity, and makes you no fun to be around. 

Exercise etiquette because you know better: show manners because you are better.

Ear-bud and Headphone Etiquette 101

I have too many ear-buds. How many do you have?  They are everywhere. The subway, bus, jogging, walking, gym, at work, restaurants, so on and so on. It is time to lay down some ground rules and regulate how they should be used.

1. Take the ear-buds out. Completely out when engaged in a conversation. The assurance that the device is off or turned down is inadequate. Keeping the ear-buds in is saying very clearly that you are not interested in what I have to say. 
2. Don't share ear-buds. That's filthy. The ear may have a waxy build up, eewwww, or collect microscopic debris and particles from you just being outside. I bet you feel like cleaning your ear right now. Point is, don't share the contents of your ear canal with anyone.
3. Take your ear-buds out or turn your device all the way down when you are in a public space where there is the likelihood of a Public Service Announcement (PSA). You risk missing the important announcement that your train will not stop at this station due to switching problems.  You also risk Me ignoring You when you finally take them out to ask why your train zoomed past the platform.
4. Ear-buds are personal speakers. The intended purpose is that you can enjoy your own music in your personal space. The rest of us don't care to hear what you are playing. The rest of us can actually see, and now hear, that you are either deaf or ghetto. Rarely do you hear Beethoven Symphony No. 9 blasting from ear-buds or headphones.
5. Do not use ear-buds when walking around your office. It's bad enough that you feel the need to use them at your desk. If you are in a professional/work environment you must leave yourself open to interacting with your colleagues. Do not risk your boss having the impression that you are ignoring her when you failed to respond after she tries to get your attention.

Do you have an ear-bud headphone pet peeve to add?

Twitter wars - Stupidity in 140 characters or less.

Fighting is a bad idea. Fighting in public is a worse idea. Fighting online in a public forum is the worst idea of all time. I have thought about this issue for months, and have not been able to formulate one half decent argument to justify using Twitter as a battle ground.

It's funny because you have to insult someone in 140 characters or less. And you're doing it on "Twitter"!! How can you stay angry and say words like Twitter and Tweet? Those are some sugary words. There isn't anything tough or hardcore about battling on Twitter. Celebrities really show how classless they are when they engage each other and followers. 

I think  Jennifer Hudson is a great singer and good actress, but I had to do a double take when she totally spazzed out on a twitter follower. Doesn't she have an album to work on, a script to read, a baby to take care of, or a husband to, you know, to do? But that is old news. Now we have Evelyn Lozada and Jennifer Williams beefing for the world to see. Well, it's really just Evelyn. Jennifer is yet to respond. That's the classy thing to do. 

Take a page from Jennifer's book. When you see people acting like a fool, refuse to stoop to their level and ignore them. Ignoring them makes them really 'irrelevant'. Paying attention to a loser is like giving sunshine to a flower, sheds light on them and makes them grow. 

If you have a problem with a friend or follower confront them in person. Call them over the phone. Maybe send an email, but the thing that is most important is privacy.  Confrontations sometimes lead to heated words and regrettable comments. What if you are getting a beat down? Do you really want witnesses to the shame and humiliation? Be smart and not have witnesses or evidence. It's great if you decide to kiss and make up, but if not, call a truce and agree to disagree. Go your separate ways with your dignity in tact.

Think twice about attacking people on twitter. It only makes you look bad.

Sidewalk Etiquette 101

Public places are a great way to show you have class. The sidewalk is no exception. New York has notoriously crowded sidewalks that can be a war zone for the uninitiated.

1) Avoid bumping/brushing other people.

They are strangers; strangers are strange and unpredictable. Consider that they may react violently to a stranger on the street bumping into them. The offense is even worse if they are carrying packages and your bump makes them drop their stuff.  I am sure you have heard of people getting into altercations in bars, clubs and the subway because someone 'bumped' into them. A bump could earn you a black eye. It's not worth it.

Personal Space belt

2) Don't invade personal space.

Stay at least 2 feet away from everyone. Walking close to a stranger may annoy them or give the impression that you are with them. Additionally, that is close enough for them to dip their slimy fingers into your pocketbook Don't set yourself up to be a victim.

3) Keep to the right.

Sidewalks should have lanes. Since they don't, imagine that there is a line in the center of the sidewalk and stay to the right. Pedestrians walking in opposite directions who follow this rule will avoid head-on collisions or awkwardly dancing around each other.

5) Pass on the left.

Passing on the right means that you are either waking into a wall of in to traffic. Do we need to explain why that's not a good idea?

6) Don't walk shoulder to shoulder in groups.

The limit is a couple. Couples or friends are allowed to walk shoulder-to-shoulder. We get it, you're in love, yadi-yadi-yada. We get it, you and your bff cannot wait to catch up on last nights episode of "whatever the kids are watching". Forming a human barricade of 3 or more is creating a public nuisance. It makes it difficult for others to navigate around you. Walking three abreast constitutes forming a human wall. Now you and your party are no longer pedestrians but an obstruction.

7) Keep a steady pace.

Randomly slowing down or coming to a complete stop will cause the people behind you to walk into you. They may bump into you with enough force to knock you over. Trip and falls are never cute. 

8) Don't eat.

Where to begin on this topic! Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt and I have written chapters on dining etiquette. No matter how much of a hurry you are in, anything beyond a candy bar should not be eaten while walking along a sidewalk. Burgers, Chinese food, heroes, fried chicken, pasta, soup, bagels, pizza, hot dogs, burritos and tacos are great for when you are on the go. But if you are walking and absolutely must have a snack, reach for an apple or a snicker. 

Walk safely until wee meet again.

Cash is NOT an accessory

I love taking pics. I love having money. I love accessories. However, the combination of all three is the trifecta of tacky.

Posing with money is not cool. Here are a few reasons why.

• it invites people to steal from you - now everyone knows you have $$$ on your person
• clearly demonstrates that you have a classless attitude to money
• implies that you are obnoxious - is that your attempt to make people jealous?
• you're easily impressed by money that can held in one hand - real rich people know that real $$$ belongs in Swiss banks, bonds, stock portfolios and the Cayman Islands

There isn't an upside to being photographed with money. If you think of one, puhleeeaase feel free to state it in the comments. Additionally, money is super dirty and carries numerous germs and bacteria. It's bad enough that we have to handle money, but money in your mouth is distasteful. 

This guy demonstrated grand levels of stupidity by getting arrested after posing with money on facebook. 

It perplexes me that people have transformed currency into a hair accessory. Actually I am not perplexed, more-so, I am disgusted. All of these attempts are not cool, classy or creative. More than anything else, it is a crime. 

"Specifically, this is a violation of Title 18, Section 333 of the United States Code, which says that “whoever mutilates, cuts, disfigures, perforates, unites or cements together, or does any other thing to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, Federal Reserve Bank, or Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such item(s) unfit to be reissued, shall be fined not more than $100 or imprisoned not more than six months, or both.”  The law is enforced by the Secret Service."

Using money as a hair accessory is nasty, tacky, crude, vulgar and criminal. It is a confirmation that money can't buy class.

Ringing phone stops NY Philharmonic in its tracks

My favorite story yesterday is that of how an audience member in the first row of the NY Philharmonic got schooled in Etiquette 101.  The fact that he can afford the front row leaves room to assume that this guy is not some uncivilized troll, living under a bridge.

In a nutshell, his cellphone rang several times. This provoked the Director to stop the music. As in, cut off all the instruments. Dead silence. It gets worse, he proceeds to wait until the guy turns the ringer off. While the entire room is waiting, the audience starts to cat-call, boo, hiss and slow clap the entire time it takes for him to confirm that the ringer is off. I LOVE it!!

Full story from the Wall Street Journal.

Oh the shame he must have felt the first time the ringer went off and the elevated anxiety with each time it rang after that. He is now suffering the glares of the musicians who practiced for years, months, weeks and days to perfect their performance. He has the full  and undivided attention of the Director. Worst of all is the palpable hostility of his fellow audience members. Where is that invisibility cloak when you need it? Can you imagine how loudly his heart was beating above the deafening silence? I wouldn't be surprised if the prolonged humiliation caused his heart to break free from his chest to find the nearest exit.

This is one of the most elementary of rules of Etiquette my friends. Turn off your cellphone.

Stock photo

Rude Old people don't get a pass

I am at the CVS today and there is one person ahead of me at the counter. While I am waiting with groceries and toiletries in hand, a little old Betty White wannabe walks towards the line and stands in front of me. She blatantly ignores the 5'11" inches (wearing my fave 5" pumps today), 100 and few pounds of pearl draped woman that is Me.

What the hell!!

I am conflicted. Do I say something to this geriatric? I could give her the benefit of the doubt, she is so old that she doesn't see me. Do I school her in Etiquette 101? But she was obviously alive during the 'good old days' when ladies wore white gloves and men still opened car doors. Do I let it go because she is knocking on deaths door? At that age, maybe she just does not want to waste precious time standing in line?

Here is what I did. I used what I have. I have youth, vigor, strength, speed, agility and the will to check this rude octogenarian. When the cashier was done with the customer ahead, I engaged my cat-like reflexes and sprang to the counter ahead of her. I left her in my dust to ponder how this whipper-snapper got there before she did.

I could have been gracious and waved her ahead, but she was rude on several levels.

1. Failure to acknowledge me. Eye contact. Wink. Blow a bloody kiss. 
2. Failure to kindly ask that I allow her ahead of me. I would have done it. Really.
3. Failure to take the time that we stood there to eventually say something/anything.

Class and courtesy does not come with age or by osmosis. It is a learned behavior. Rude kids become rude teens. Rude teens become rude adults. Rude adults become rude old people. I don't let kids get away with being rude, so no one else gets a pass either.

I pray that when I am old, and forget the names of the Kardashians, I don't forget my manners.

10 Commandments of Gym Etiquette

The most popular New Years Resolution is to loose weight. Please share the list with everyone you know.

1. Thou shall not spread the entire contents of your gym bag on the benches in the locker room. No need to display your towel, sneakers, socks, leg warmers, ipod, bottled water, heart rate monitor, etc.No need to ask for my help when you get robbed.
2. Thou shall not leave your gym bag in the walk way. No one should be forced to jump hurdles in the locker room.
3. Thou shall not warm up or stretch in the locker room. Respect other peoples personal space and save your head rolls and leg extensions for the mat.
4. Thou shall not choose the treadmill/elliptical/bike/rower next to mine if there are others available. No one wants to hear you grunt, or smell you, if it can be avoided. 
5. Thou shall not monopolize the gym equipment during peak hours. Any decent gym indicates peak hours. Otherwise, it can be anytime between 4 to 8pm.
6.  Thou shall wipe the machines clean of your bodily fluids after working out. Enough said.
7. Thou shall follow the direction of the arrows for the strength training machines. This is not the time to go rogue and jump randomly from one machine to another.
8. Thou shall remove the weights or reset the strength training machines if there are other people immediately in line behind you or if you are finished with your sets. Thanks for believing that I can leg curl, overhead press or lat pulldown 300lbs, but I'll pass.
9. Thou shall not walk around the changing room naked before or after a shower. We know you work hard for the body you have, but this is not the Smithsonian and you're not on display. Or would you like me to play music, give you a pole, make it rain singles, and get on with the show.
10. Thou shall not gawk at, critique or give non-requested advice to the obviously less fit in the changing room. Unless, you are taking kickboxing classes and can defend yourself.

Good luck with getting in better shape :-)